she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
