the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This baby is an asshole
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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