Pappa wants mamma naked
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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