i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
