i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Everclear isn't food dammit
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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