I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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