Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
