His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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