I am puke
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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