Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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