I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
