Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize