Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
