hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
