i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
