Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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