Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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