Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
