remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
