shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
