Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
