And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
