Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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