At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
dude. I can hear the air.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize