Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
