That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How does one acquire holy water?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
