I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
