Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
