she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
