Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
