I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
