it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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