Your dad touched me again.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
