If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
