Cold hands, warm shart.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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