By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
