Are we in a gay sports bar?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
