I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
