We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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