Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
