I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
