I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Rumble strips road head = magical
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
