He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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