I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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