we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
