I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
