the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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