I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
