Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
