I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
