i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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