Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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