oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
