Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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