At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
