she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
