ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize