please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
