There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
