sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
