He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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