she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
