how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
