ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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