I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
