Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he fucked my hip out of place.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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