Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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