Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
