At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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