Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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