R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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