I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
