I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
