Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
