apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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