I want to have your abortion
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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