So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
