I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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