Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Pants are for mortals
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
