i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
