I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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