I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
