mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
