So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
