At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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