I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
