need another drink. this is the easiest way
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
