And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize