they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
