So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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