mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
