Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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