he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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