it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
