I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
