i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize