i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
