OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
