We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
