She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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