half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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