Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Thank you for not boning my boss.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize