Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
