I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize
