Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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