I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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