NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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