I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
