i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
