I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
