Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
"it" just moved
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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