But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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