you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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