i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
