This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
