He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
