2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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