I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
