you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
