I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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