my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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