I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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