I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am spending my child support on dildos
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
