genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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